Tiles and Palm Trees, Lisbon to Marrakesh and Saudade
- Daniel Monoogian
- Jan 15, 2019
- 4 min read
Saudade is a Portuguese word which conveys a feeling of longing, melancholy or nostalgia. It could be a longing for something in the past, something that never came to pass or something that you wish for. This is something that I have been feeling very intensely this month. The idea that, just as soon as I'm getting to know a city, getting to love it, achieving a sense of comfortability, I have to leave. And realizing that there is so much more that I'd like to do. By spending five weeks both in Split and Prague, losing a week in Lisbon creates a very noticeable difference. This, combined with this nagging homesick feeling, leads me to consistent existential crises and asking myself constantly "is this real?".
At the end of November I sadly said goodbye to Lisbon and Portugal, after eating my last Pastel de Nata for breakfast, sleepily got into the shuttle van to the airport and said goodbye just as the sun was coming up.
I had certain expectations on this journey - most of which had absolutely not become realized - I thought that this experience would change me; that I'd notice a discernible difference - I imagined that I'd be more open, more outgoing, more worldly. Perhaps these changes are happening, but slowly.
Lisbon was a whirlwind, and swept by much too quickly. I felt very comfortable there, and enjoyed the food and drinks but felt this sense of longing, this "saudade" very intensely. I spent a lot of time walking up hills, and down hills, eating salads, drinking cheap beer in large quantities, and hitting the gym every day. I went surfing in Cascais once a week and got much better at it. I lived in an excellent 5-bedroom apartment with a reading room, sun room/dining room, living room and fantastic patio (not to mention fantastic roommates). Despite all of this, at the end of the month, I felt as though I'd missed so much.
Our apartment was located in the Estrela neighbourhood just down the street from the Basilica da Estrela and the beautiful Jardim da Estrela, pictured below.
I came to a realization in Lisbon: that I wanted to seek out all of the green spaces in the city, the quiet places, to find moments of peace and reflection. I wandered through the University of Lisbon's botanical garden as well as the Tapada das Necessidades and the Estufa Fria or "cold greenhouse".
I'm still trying to lock down this work/life balance thing. It's hard not to feel as though this is a vacation - however it is getting marginally easier as time goes on. The important thing is to remember that my career is enabling me to participate on this journey. To quote the Desiderata by Max Ehrmann:
"Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time."
A Tale of Two Cities
My first impression of Marrakesh was "we're not in Europe anymore". Lisbon to Marrakesh was an interesting transition as in both cities there are ample amounts of tiles and palm trees. I have an affinity for palms, sprouting from childhood vacations to Florida and Venezuela. I associate them with adventure, exotic locales and relaxation. That being said, the two cities couldn't be more different.
Lisbon is chaotic in its own right, but nowhere near the level of Marrakesh. Motorbikes are everywhere, and there is a smogginess and griminess that is very noticeable. Drivers are not shy in using their horns, and traffic lights are often suggestions, not rules.
As a North American (and here I am meaning Canadians and Americans) you stick out like a sore thumb. That being said, I felt quite comfortable almost immediately, as I was able to use my strong grasp of the French language and conversational skills to communicate with the majority of Moroccans (thanks Canadian school system!). The people are overall very friendly yet become very aggressive when they are trying to sell you something.
Marrakesh is beautiful yet gritty - I can appreciate the city's efforts to include many green spaces and public amenities - including the well-groomed (and some not-so-well-groomed) parks, olive and palm groves. My intention again this month was to seek out the peaceful spaces - including rooftop cafes, ancient palaces and quiet riads.
I rode my rented bike to and from the workspace using the back streets; I went on short runs and did short workouts by the pool; a regular daily routine which began in Lisbon continued in Marrakesh, maintaining a sense of comforting normalcy in an unfamiliar place.
Amid the colours, smells, sights and sounds within the old city wall (medina) and souks, I remained stoic as the storks nesting on the walls of the El Badi palace, taking flight and gliding on the gentle breezes in a cloudless, brilliant blue sky while the midday call to prayer is heard from mosques near and far.
Despite the wonderment I experienced - caused, by example by turning a corner and getting a full view of the Atlas mountains - it was nothing compared with the feeling of seeing my daughter running towards me at the Marrakesh airport, or the sensation of holding her in my arms after an excruciatingly long, unprecedented four months apart. I was fortunate enough to be able to spend the Christmas holidays with her, and do some much needed catching up. While her visit was definitely the high of my time in Marrakesh, the low came when it was time for us to say goodbye.
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